LAUGHING LARRY SAVES COMPANY X!

Yes we’ve only gone and done it again, saved by the skin of our teeth. The mechanical team came out with totally crap machine 9 months ago but the revamped version has attracted a buyer and they are off on a world tour as a prize for their hard work. Larry is a space age design machine and Lady-bollocks have just orders zillions of them. Company X stand to make at least $1000 of this deal and that will keep us all going for a while – thank god for that, well done team especially Captain Rodders.

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THE SNIPER IS STALKED WITH THE AID OF SWINGERS!

Now this is complicated so follow closely.
Company X employee Elvis (code name - Sniper1) is being stalked by Company X recruiter (code name - Dangerous Female). Now Elvis used to be a sniper in the US army whose job used to be stalking and killing people (that is top secret information not to be mentioned), but now the tables have been turned and Sniper1 is being chased by the deadliest enemy he has ever faced – shiver me timbers – Dangerous Female!

Elvis has been on a number of missions for Company X and was surprised to keep bumping into his old friend Dangerous Female the Company X employment recruiter. Sniper1 thought nothing of it. Then text messages were being received at rate of 38 in 2 weeks! A bit over the top for just old friends thought Sniper1.

Then the frequency of the accidental meetings intensified as Dangerous Female now flew 3000 miles just too accidentally bump into Sniper1! Mmm – the military training kicked in at this point and Sniper1 realized (US spelling) that something fishy was going on and some questions needed answering!

Sniper1 thought back and it suddenly dawned on him that DF had been following him around the US for years. She had even upped sticks and moved to the same cities to live where Sniper1 had gone. This was not coincidence.

But how did DF know where S1 was going to be while working on secret missions for Company X? S1 had not told anyone of his whereabouts save family friends and Company X employees. Somehow DF was finding out where S1 was going to be.

But what about the swingers you ask yourself? Yes this is where it gets really weird. It turns out that DF and her boyfriend are swingers who happened to meet at a party years ago another swinging couple – Weird Wanker and his girlfriend the Redhead Witch. Weird Wanker now works for Company X, and who got him the job – yep you guessed it, DF the Company X recruiter! Now WW has always wanted to swing with DF but DF was never into the idea as she never liked RW. WW will do anything to get this couple in bed and so he helped out with some personal matters of DF (a divorce) and he was also giving out Company X employee location information at the request of DF. WW didn’t know what she wanted that information for but he didn’t care as long as it helped out with his master-plan of getting DF into bed.

DF meanwhile was only interested in her own master-plan to get Elvis – Sniper1 into bed. With the aid of WW and the location report DF was able to be in the right place at the right time to accidentally bump into S1; even if that meant flying 3000 miles to the other side of the USA! Now that is dedication.

Anyway what’s wrong with a female stalker? – Just use her for sex – the Alternative Newsletter met up with for an interview and she was very sexy; so what’s the problem dude?

We will have and update on this next week.

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Leaking Company X information is the topic of our next topic: The share price. A deal has been announced and the share price went up accordingly but the price was climbing higher before the official announcement and now an investigation is underway to locate the source of information of insider dealing! This is serious and jail-time a real possibility if caught. The problem is a private Company X announcement was made before the official press release, Doh!

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Meanwhile the adventures of Bob….Cary-On climbing. This weekend Bob climbed up a mountain on a cloudy day – half way up the weather changed to bright sunshine which was reflecting off the snow on the mountain top – 13,000ft up. Bob took no sunscreen or hat along on his journey and now has sunburn so bad that it looks like he has been attacked with a blowtorch – ouch. His nose and ears are oozing and weeping with “liquid stuff” and puss. Nice one champ. Bob suffering from sunstroke took a couple of days off, but on his return, the entire company gathered round to look at the marvelous sunburn. “Oh my god”, “fucking hell” and Jesus Christ” were typical reactions. This could now be a good source of income for Company X if we could get bob leased out to a circus freak show before the sunburn heals!

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A message from Skywalker – Dr Frankenstein is named for early retirement – yes he been named as director of everything. His request was lost in translation when he demanded “I want to be a dictator!” like his hero Franco, but this wish was misunderstood and now he is director of the world with time sheets as his only weapon. After an anonymous 2 years as head of whatever he was head of, his ineffective style and lack of balls made him the perfect promotion target as he is seen as no threat to upper management – a yes man – and allegedly a bit gay – the perfect management puppet.

Dr F’s replacement even has his own blog!
Check it out http://alansimes.blogdns.net/cs/Default.aspx

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