Let go of the fucking firework!
Yes we have a winner for this year’s most stupid incident. Windy M of the art department was attempting to let off a rocket from window at a party and for some strange reason windy didn’t want to let go of the rocket which carried on regardless and did what rockets do!
An eye witness to the incident describes the brilliant moment.
“The daft fucker just wouldn’t let go of it! He nearly burnt the fucking house down!
And interview with windy was declined due to first degree burns still smarting. The nearest hospital also refused to treat windy due to the patient being so stupid. Nice One.
Merry Saturnalia! $50,000 Bonus Each!
In Rome, where winters were not as harsh as those in the far north, Saturnalia a holiday in honor of Saturn, the god of agriculture was celebrated. Beginning in the week leading up to the winter solstice and continuing for a full month, Saturnalia was a hedonistic time, when food and drink were plentiful and the normal Roman social order was turned upside down. For a month, slaves would become masters. Peasants were in command of the city. Business and schools were closed so that everyone could join in the fun.
Also around the time of the winter solstice, Romans observed Juvenilia, a feast honoring the children of Rome. In addition, members of the upper classes often celebrated the birthday of Mithra, the god of the unconquerable sun, on December 25. It was believed that Mithra, an infant god, was born of a rock. For some Romans, Mithra's birthday was the most sacred day of the year.
Well that’s enough of the history lesson – This year has been such a spectacular success for Company X and you will all be receiving a $50,000 Bonus in your Christmas paycheck. It’s not much I know but it’s a small token gesture of appreciation from the bigwigs.
Well what a wonderful year it has been for all concerned, I can’t really think of jollier times, but wait . . .2006 is shaping up to be an even more spectacular year! Company cars, free holidays / inspirational trips, extra bonuses, wage rises, new cool logo, free hookers, tax dodge incentives, company credit card expense accounts for all, new offices; the list goes on and on, wonderful stuff.
Now there has been some debate recently as to whether time sheets are “gay” or not? Well firstly I think an apology is appropriate as our gay readers are offended by the terminology and quite rightly too. Time sheets are certainly not gay and should not be referred to as such in Company X at any time. Crap, shit and wank are more suitable choices when referring to time sheets.
Sadly this year has also seen 2 Company X client deaths. Both of these occurred within days of having a long meeting with Company X and I think we can all understand that they were literally bored to death.
This years Christmas song is a really an inspirational piece from the classic Smiths album “The Queen is Dead” – sing along everybody! It doesn’t get much better than this.
I Know It's Over
Lyrics by Stephen Morrissey
Music by Johnny Marr
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I know it’s over - still I cling
I don’t know where else I can go
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
Though she needs you
More than she loves you
And I know it’s over - still I cling
I don’t know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
I know it’s over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said:
”If you’re so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you’re so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you’re so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you’re so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know...
’Cause tonight is just like any other night
That’s why you’re on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they’re in each other’s arms...”
It’s so easy to laugh
It’s so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It’s so easy to laugh
It’s so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Over, over
Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.....
