Sex sells!

There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to have a naked girl in the newsletter but what the fuck. A new Company X policy will come into force as in August. From that point on, all hired programmers must be female and will also have to pass a strict quality control process. There is a power struggle to win the rights to interviews.

PS> Any comments mentioning real names will be removed.

Company X has a new partnership with Pirate Inc, a splendid ship docked at a secret location in the Caribbean. The authorities were not too pleased with the dodgy practices of this USA listed ship and refused to let it sail.

The Owners of Pirate Inc had a cunning plan – register the ship under another country; that way the authorities of USA could not touch it. With that done, the authorities had a cunning plan of their own. They failed the motley crew, which the owners of Pirate Inc had forgotten also needed to pass certain competence requirements before the ship would be allowed to sail.

Another brilliant plan is awaited.

Employee of the month award - Well done MJ.

This is the secret location for the secret party that will be taking place very soonish.

At the party, Mr Skywalker the owner of Company X will make yet another legendary long speech. Mrs Skywalker will be by his side to help with prompts etc; reminiscent of Ronald and Nancy Reagan in their prime.

This will take place when Mr and Mrs Skywalker take a break from spending all their $$$$$$$$$$.

The float set for the 4th July has now been put back a week, maybe more.

A recent Company X project managers party at the Vatican.

They had gone to meet Pope John Paul II, not realising that he had died recently. A small mistake which was blamed on a lack of communication amongst staff that had recently left or been fired. A new internal procedures document and a few thousand meetings will sort that out.

They then met with the new nazi pope with the kind eyes and were praying that someone somewhere would give them some more money to pour down the drain.

Chief bull-shitter Mr T was then sent out on a mission to Las Vegas to convince Mega Bucks Industries that they should buy into Company X. His Vision has paid off.

Bingo - Mega Bucks Industries the mysterious secret buyer of Company X has just proudly announced their new $15 million purchase.

Not surprisingly, Company X management has not said a word about this to its own employees. We all look forward to the technicolour newsletter and e-mail message from ****-*****.

Hi corporate chums!

History & Mission Statement: The Alternative Newsletter was first published via e-mail in the summer of 2002 to a total readership of 19.The secretive senior management of Company X had been threatening to distribute a real newsletter to staff for eons, when this never materialised, one staff member decided to write their own newsletter, this became an instant overnight smash hit; despite the author being half dyslexic.

More newsletters were published and the staff of Company X began to regard them as the only way to find out exactly what was really going on within the secretive world of bizarre Company X; well almost. You see the thing is Company X was a tin pot company making no money for themselves but was making $Billions for their clients.

How this came about was through the unrivalled success of the company products, whilst at the same time being run by a senior management team that couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery, and then some.

The staff in turn had no one to manage them. Staff would come and go as they pleased and half of them never turned up or were continually away on jolly business trips.

Clients meanwhile were making more money than they had sense and an industry turned its head to find out why. This only further fed the ego of the management team who then started to believe they could do no wrong. This in turn left the employees even more isolated and their strange behaviour also began to scale new heights which were all documented in the alternative newsletter.

Looking back at that newsletter now; it contains enough libellous material to get the whole $billion industry in court.

With the brave new world of blogs we can now explore what is really happening in the bizarre and secretive world of Company X. If you are reading this your life maybe in danger! Be careful it’s hell out there.

The names have been changed to protect the guilty.