Seems some employees got a little bit lost again on their way home last night, turning a simple journey to South London into a bizzare tour of the entire fucking city. At least they made it into work on time(ish).
Well, today is Friday, so I can see it all happening again. Make sure you memorise this world map in case you fall asleep on the African line and wake up in Zimbabwe again.
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LOST - The 'LOST' Stories
Lost Story 1 - The 'Lost' Laptop
Company X employee AKA 'The Gambler' loses laptop on way home after HEAVY! drinking session in the 'Pilchard'.
Flashbacks:
- leaves pub with laptop bag
- leaves pub without laptop bag
- pisses on the street with laptop bag
- pisses on the laptop bag
- falls asleep on the tube on laptop bag and misses connecting station and wakes up at end of line minus laptop bag
- falls asleep on street corner with laptop bag, and it is stolen by the dustbin man
- gets bus back to centre of town with laptop bag but gets mugged by the bus conductor
- ends up at home in the wee hours of the morning minus laptop bag
- ends up at home in the wee hours of the morning with laptop bag and with the great idea of selling it on ebay (to pay for his gambling debts) and telling the company that he lost it.
Episode ends with ebay buyer of laptop being none other that Mr. Skywalker.
Lost Story 2 - Drunken Survival
Company X employee AKA 'The Boy Scout' ends up in the middle of countryside with nothing but a box of matches early in the morning still pissed. Having realised that he had fallen asleep on the train, he gets off at a trainstop he's never seen and realises that there are no more trains to go home. Attempts to walk back but has absolutely no idea where he's going. He asks little 'boy' on BMX bike who's cycling past where to go, boy tells him to 'FUCK OFF'. He calls the missus, who tells him to 'PISS OFF'. 'Boy Scout' goes back to train station to wait for the early train, realises its a bit cold so starts to collect kindling. Starts fire and falls asleep. Manages to get the first train, gets home just in time to go to work. Gets to work midday and then goes back home due to worst hangover ever!
Lost Story 3 - PissHead's xmas
Company X OAP pisshead goes home after xmas lunch and drinks. Manages to slip and slide all over the place due to the icy pavements, luckily he has the help of another pisshead. Manages to bang into department store window and rebound into path of oncoming taxi. Taxi swerves past shouting profanities. Both pissheads make it to the train station and catch their late train home. Pisshead 2 gets off at correct stop, leaving pisshead 1 to make his own way home. Pisshead 1 calls the wife to pick him up from the station then promptly falls asleep against the window. Wife arrives at the station and sees train arrive, pisshead's face plastered against window then train leaves. Pisshead wakes up at end of line and calls wife to tell her to wait. He then promptly falls asleep again and guess what? Wife sees him go past on the train. Pisshead wakens to see himself back in town just in time to go to work. About to go to work when he realises it's Saturday!
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Just realised I could make a whole load a dosh in Hollywood with all these stories....Anyone got Spielberg's number?
CUTTTT!
Moley!
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