Company X files patent for Copy & Paste Virtual Managers!

A copy & paste virtual manager can fuck things up in double quick time without even existing. If you require your project to be screwed up, just copy and paste your virtual manager from your virtual server to your desktop. The Virtual Manager will instantly instruct you to fuck things up manually. There is a slight bug in the automation process and requires the user to manually help the virtual manager to fuck things up; but this doesn’t matter as the bug is virtual and doesn’t really exist.

Why is the Virtual Manager so effective? Well, real managers just waste time and money with meetings, talking bollocks etc, and actually want paying to do this??? What a waste of time you say to yourself. What is the point when I can get a virtual manager for free which will fuck things up much quicker and has more personality than a real manager. As you own the virtual manager, they can look exactly how you want them too! You can even have virtual sex with your manager and sack them for a newer model when you get bored!

More Resignations at Company X!!!!!!!!!!

While at the same time another executive is hired who will be doing absolutely fuck all. This seems to be the strategy at the moment. Piss off everyone who is hard working until they leave and then replace them with some jerk who will not be doing anything; sounds like a plan for success.

Well what a boring start to the year 2006! But wait for it.

This is the year that Company X will hit the stratosphere and England will win the World Cup in Germany! It is written in the stars. And talking of stars the winner of the 2005 Company X disco dancing championships is…………………….. F for Freddy from Barcelona!

And fuck me, what a routine it was. Freddy dashed to the dance floor as soon as he heard the opening bars of Madonna’s “like a virgin”. He twirled, twisted, jived and grooved like a spastic on acid. By now Freddy had cleared the dance floor, there was only Freddy dancing to Madonna, with the rest of the club looking on with disbelief from the sides. Freddy now sees his own reflection in the mirror and instantly falls in love. He grooves closer and starts kissing himself in the mirror – his hands are wandering all over his own body while flicking his hair and pouting his lips to seduce himself. Touched for the very first time indeed.

He succeeds in seducing himself and is just about to start ripping his own clothes off when it suddenly dawns on Freddy that he is not in his own bedroom dancing in front of his teddy bears, but on the dance floor of the Blue Oyster Bar!

Too late – it’s all been captured on video and will be held for safe keeping for a good blackmailing opportunity in the future.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

What happened in the G Team last week? Did Dick resign or was he pushed? Answers on a postcard please.

Next week we will have an update on the crazy Mexican and the story of Bob running over some guy and then crashing into another car! All in a days work for Accident Man.