Quote of the week comes from the new Company X Product Compliance Officer. And this is not made up.

- “I'm sorry, but I have little knowledge about technical standards, product compliance and shipping procedures”

Well I think in that case you are a little over qualified for the post, but you are perfect for the job, you’re hired!

Company X has now reached a total of 1 million Jet engine miles! Some staff even had double booked flights on the same day. One staff member recently took a flight for a journey of less than 50 miles!

As we are a green company, we are off on a volunteer tree planting holiday:

In order to offset Company X CO2 emissions of 1,367.94 tonnes immediately, it will require the planting of 191692.98 trees. At $4 per tree, this translates to a cost of $766771.92 .

In order to offset Company X CO2 emissions of 1,367.94 tonnes over 80 years, it will require the planting of 8200.2 trees. At $4 per tree, this translates to a cost of $32800.80

Please send in your travel authorisation forms for the flights to Canada for the tree planting ASAP.

We have a winner for the competition but as the winner did not supply a proper name and address they cannot claim the prize.
You’ve had a smashing time – now let’s have a look at what you would have won!

This years VIP party will be at the pussycat lap dancing club in Vegas. The term VIP is really stretching it, but hey, Skywalker can call his party what he wants. Last years party was such a roaring success that everyone had left by 9.30pm. Company X is really pushing the boat out this year with mushroom Vol-U-Vonts, Ferrero Rochet chocolates(3-pack) & blowjobs served by barely legal saucy lap dancers. Lots of famous people including Mr Blobby have been invited, but just like last year they will not turn up.

It’s a real shame that you won’t be going either.

Genesis - Nice hair phil

This month’s competition: The lucky winner will win an all expenses paid trip to fabulous Las Vegas!! Or if we have run out of those the winner will receive a Blue Peter badge!!!

Q. What is the connection between Genesis, Alice Cooper & Spartacus?

Answers on a post card to NoMoreMrNiceGuy@companyX.com

Spartacus - wears big girls knickers?